Monday, December 13, 2010

For my Robi

Divorce seems to be in the air. It's so terribly sad to see couples (and not just couples who have been together for only a short 1-3 years), but those have been together over 10 years and with kids just giving up to move on. My heart goes out to all my friends (and ofcourse a whole bunch of strangers) going through all that heart ache and specially to the children who are stuck in the middle. I can only imagine how terribly hard it must be on them. Kids pick up on all sorts of things. Like the other day Robi came to say bye to me before leaving for office and I was in the middle of something and didn't return the bye. Shortly afterwards, Karan comes to me and whispers "Amma, why didn't you say bye to Appa? Are you angry with him?"

As an outsider, except in exceptional circumstances like a spouse cheating on or physically abusing the other, we never understand how things have become bad enough for the relationship to be beyond repair and keep asking the same questions which must appear so mundane and irritating to the couple splitting up -"have you tried working it out? have you sought counselling? why don't you give it one last try?" I have come to accept that only the couple themselves will be able to understand their reasons for the split and it is best not to judge them for their choices.

I now take the time to wonder about those of us whose marriages work - is it 90% luck and 10% hard work or 90% hard work and 10% luck or some other ratio altogether? While I believe a lot of credit for a successful marriage has to go to providence (divine or otherwise), we cannot ignore that it does take a hell of a lot of hard work to make a marriage work. But the important thing is that you have to want to make it work, which of course is based on the presumption that the person you are married to is worth that effort (or that the person is not so terrible that you would want your kids to go through the unpleasant ordeal of their parents splitting up).

Although it may seem strange, this post is dedicated to my Robs, who has made me want to put in the effort to make our marriage work (well at least till now). Thank you Robs for....

......making me laugh whenever I least expected to.
.........holding me tight through the bad times.
......forgiving me (specially for forgiving me) when I was mean & thoughtless or took you for granted
......giving me my beautiful children.
......patiently listening to me rave and rant.
......making such a wonderful effort with my family (heck, who am I kidding? Most of them love you more than they love me).
....remaining calm and composed when I was going nuts (I guess I do the same for you).
.......and for all those wonderful wonderful hugs.

To all those people who are on / embarking on the tough (and wonderful) journey of marriage, a small piece of advice. Try and focus only on the good things about your spouse and forget the bad stuff (specially during the initial years). And during times when things are not going well, remind yourself of all the things that you have to be grateful for (talk only to those in your family or friends' circle who are ardent supporters of your spouse and not those who will bitch him/her out)...so that you will feel like putting in the effort to make it work. May providence shine on you!

Advice to self: Must come back here and read this the next time something goes wrong!

1 Comments:

Anonymous hillgrandmom said...

Lovely post! Peace.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010  

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